Opting Out.

When logging into any form of social media during the holidays there can be a lot of triggering content for loss moms and families. Pictures of baby’s first visit with Santa, baby sitting under the Christmas tree, family visits, and several other reminders of how different your Christmas is going to look this year than what you had expected. Holidays aside, social media can be difficult to navigate soon after a pregnancy loss. When logging into my Instagram account for the first time after losing our baby, it was hard enough seeing the last post on my page from my baby shower. What made it even harder was the sea of baby product ads that took over my entire home feed. My recent searches and follows of pregnancy/ new mom accounts had fully manipulated my online algorithm. When all I wanted was to block out the reminders of what would have been my future with our newborn, all I could see was diapers, cute little onesies, and smiling baby faces. Outside of social media ads, my phone had become a complete hazard zone for anything and everything baby related. I went through deleting notes with nursery to-do lists, and apps used to measure baby’s growth. My email was a whole other monster with an inbox full of more baby product ads. I spent a good half hour opting out of as many baby store/product emails as I possibly could. I remember grimacing at the screen when looking through the radio button options to select for WHY I was opting out. Sometimes the smallest of tasks can feel overwhelming after pregnancy loss. The important thing is to be gentle with yourself, and to allow yourself to feel whatever you need to feel. It is normal to feel sad or even jealous when looking at posts or content that are happy in nature, but remind you of your loss – it doesn’t make you a bad person, it makes you human. You had longed for these moments, and now you are missing out on them. It’s OK to be happy for others, yet sad for yourself. It’s OK to be grieving, yet hopeful.